Like seriously, it’s about five times a week. She’s super comfortable around heat sources, tools, and utensils. Plus, she loves trying new foods and dishes. I think when she has a hand in cooking, she’s more into trying whatever we cook.
Her favorite part is mixing and stirring our food. At first, it went normal. Lately, though, I’ve noticed she’s been doing something a little weird while I cook.
It doesn’t matter how many pots we use, she stirs with every single bamboo utensil. Weirder than that, she only uses the utensil for one stir and then discards it.
Not only is it a strange practice, it calls for a ton of clean up.
I guess toddlers like making a mess too. Maybe it’s about time she starts helping with all the dishes.
Let’s hope that she always loves cooking with me and wants to experiment with her food, but maybe gets a little less messy as time goes by. Even just practicing using one utensil instead of them all.
Toddlers are just weird.
Does anyone else’s toddler have to use every single one of an object? Mila does this with paint brushes too!
When Jensen died, it was the first time I had ever felt that type of grief.
It followed me everywhere. No matter what I did, it felt tangled in my every day life. Honestly, grief is still present. Although it doesn’t control me as it did before, I can feel it deep down. It’s been creeping up lately, so have the tears, as we get closer to his birthday.
When I got pregnant with Mila, I wondered how his death would impact her. We’ve always said his name and she loves seeing his picture. Mila always says how much she loves and misses her Jensen. She’s not been the biggest fan of Jensen bear, but as of lately, she’s been more interested.
For the first time ever, I haven’t had to wonder when the first time she’d bring his loss up.
Before bed, Mila asked, for the first time ever, if Jensen bear could come and sleep with us. She picked him up and didn’t complain about how heavy he was. After she tucked him in beside me, she went and grabbed a book for us to read.
While reading it, she cuddled with Jensen bear and hugged him tight. As the story ended, she looked at me with her big eyes and asked why Jensen wasn’t with us.
I told her he was always in our hearts and when we missed him we could talk to him.
This answer wasn’t the one she wanted. Her mouth turned to a frown and I saw a familiar feeling. The heaviness of grief weighed her down. She misses him and doesn’t understand why she can’t have her brother.
I wish I could tell her why and make it all better, but this is the grieving process.
Instead of telling her it’d eventually be all okay, I held her tight and told her I missed him too. I let her know it was okay to be sad.
This is sibling grief.
I’ve been on this grief journey for almost five years now. It’s changed how I view the world and myself in it. There’s no question on if it’ll do the same to Mila.
It will.
Here’s some ways I’ve helped her grieve the death of her brother. Maybe it can help your child grieve too.
Talk openly about the person.
Let your child know it’s okay to talk about the person that’s not here anymore. By opening up that conversation, they’ll be able to express their feelings and memories about the loss and the person.
Get a physical way they can remember their loved one.
We love our Jensen bear. It’s a great comfort object that can actually help and squeezed. For toddlers and kids, I think a stuffed animal with a loved ones shirt would be perfect. Another idea would be a necklace or piece of jewelry they can keep on them too.
Start a journal with them.
Although Mila is a little young to be journaling, I plan on doing this with her when she starts to write. Sometimes kids don’t want to express their feelings through talking, a journal is a great way to get those feelings out without making them uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways to co-journal with your child too.
Encourage them to express their feelings through art.
Drawing and painting is a great way to have your child show you what they’re feeling. This could be incorporated as a journal or a weekly activity. Let them know there’s no wrong way to feel or express it.
Celebrate your loved ones.
I think one of the hardest things for people to grasp is there is joy in grief. As hard as it is to lose someone, there’s still all that love and happiness they brought too. For Mila, we celebrate Jensen’s birthday every year, we put up his Christmas ornaments, and include him in our family pictures. He is always celebrated with us and is included just as much as if he was actually here.
Let them be sad.
No one can make grief feel better. Sometimes you have to sit with that sadness. This goes the same for kids too. All you can do is listen and be there for your child. They’ll let you know what they need from you. Sadness is a healthy emotion when it can properly be felt.
If your child is depressed make sure to reach out to a therapist to best help their needs.
I’ll never claim to know everything about grief, but a lot of these things have helped Mila and I plan on continuing to incorporate them in our lives for a long time.
Do you have any other ways that can help a child through the loss of a loved one and grief?
Yes. You’re going to change the world. You are powerful.
No matter where life takes you, there are so many opportunities at your fingertips. It doesn’t matter who you want to become or what you want to be. You have the ability to do what you want.
In a world that I’m not so certain of, I am certain of your value and worth. We live in a time where girls can grow up and not be looked down on just because they’re women. Women are superheroes. You, my small, little woman, are a superhero.
As you grow up, I’ll never pressure you to do anything you don’t want. I will, though, show you how much women have overcome throughout the history of the world. It’s important to know that growth. Better yet, to help you realize your strength and importance in the world.
You independent and intelligence is going to get you everything you’ll ever want. When those don’t seem enough (and believe me they are), you have the support of women everywhere.
I don’t know what the world will be like when you’re in your twenties, but I hope it keeps evolving.
It’s my dream that you’ll have a society where there’s equality and justice. I don’t want to ever worry about someone ever hurting you and then getting away with it. I hope there won’t be any threat to your right to choose what you to with your body.
Mila, you’ve been born into a generation full of power and opportunity.
I’m so excited to see you grow into whoever you’ll be. Always know, you’ll have your mom’s support. No matter if you end up becoming a dance teacher or a world leader.
Ever wonder how you can combine listening and creativity? This St. Patrick’s Day activity does it.
My house is already rapidly getting ready for spring. Our plants are growing, we’ve been playing outside, and spring cleaning is in full effect. Just over the weekend, our house has rainbows, spring, and St. Patrick’s Day decor up and hanging.
I thought we could do a painting with it too. When I pre read it, I tried to find repetitive words she wasn’t super familiar with before. Clover is the leprechauns name in the story and is used quite often. So, that’s what I decided on.
To make a regular painting a little more fun, I continued using an unusual painting tool.
Bell peppers make a clover shape when they’re painted and stamped.
She actually wasn’t super fond on just gripping the pepper though. You can stick a fork in the pepper to do the same effect. It looked like she had more control that way too.
All we did for this activity was read the book and stamp the pepper every time Clover was said.
It turns out, Clover was said way more than I remembered when I first read the story. Mila was constantly going back and forth with from paint to canvas.
There were a few times she didn’t do it because she was so interested in the book. Cute right?
Don’t worry. We read it again afterwards.
Honestly, this was such a cute activity.
It proved that my toddler can actually listen (I’m such a jokester) and she’s so creative.
I think my favorite part of the painting is where you can tell Clover was said three times in a page. She just stamped it quickly in the same spot.
We hope you love this activity as much as we did!
It’s a quick one to do with your toddler or older child. You’ll get a new St. Patrick’s Day decor price and the knowledge that kids can listen when they want.
Let me know in the comments if you try it out.
Make sure to check out these great St. Patrick’s Day activities too!
If you’re looking for another easy week night dinner, this one is great to add in. It reminds me of the Chicken Pot Pie Recipe. Yet, this meal has a completely different flavor profile.
You might have noticed, I love cooking with rotisserie chicken! It’s a simple way to add chicken in our meals. Plus, it tastes good!
Although this isn’t technically, ‘one pot’ the clean up is easy too.
Now that I’ve sold you on the recipe, here’s all the ingredients you’ll need:
Rotisserie chicken
Crescent rolls
1 cup of shredded cheese
Cream of mushroom soup
1/4 cup of milk
There’s not a ton of steps for this recipe, but it’s oh so yummy.
The first thing you should do is preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Then, in a casserole dish, mix together the cream of mushroom soup, milk, and 1/2 cup of shredded cheese.
After it’s mixed together, pull apart your chicken. Then add the remaining cheese with it.
Next, unroll the crescent rolls. Place a small amount of the chicken and cheese mixture in the big part of the crescent roll triangle.
Now comes the fun part. Roll the crescent roll. Mila had a blast helping me with this beautiful part.
After you have your crescent rolls filled, place them on top of the soup and cheese mix.
I added some garlic and butter on top of the crescent rolls at this point, but this is totally optional.
Then, place them in the oven until the crescent rolls are golden brown. This takes about twenty-five minutes to do.
These cheesy chicken roll ups are so good. We didn’t even have left overs! I served them with green beans and it made for a perfect dinner.
As with all my recipes, let me know in the comments if you try it out.
Last weekend, I went to a new tattoo shop and picked a tattoo from a sheet.
Before I went, I had no idea what I’d leave with or if I’d like even like it. I just knew I was getting one. It might be crazy to get a random tattoo, but it reminds me nothing is really permanent.
I’ve wanted a tattoo for a while now. Since I’ve been trying to do a new self care project each week, this happened to be what I wanted to do last week.
When I went into the tattoo shop, I instantly saw the one I’d be getting: a little flower.
To test me, I had to wait two hours to actually get it done. After some chips and salsa with a margarita, it was time to get my new ink.
It hurt a little more than I remembered my other ones. I’m going to blame the placement.
I think it turned out beautifully.
The healing process has went smoothly too. Honestly, the only bad thing from my spontaneous, surprise tattoo is Mila dislikes it. She loves all my other ones, but not this one.
That’s okay though.
Of my five tattoos, only two of them have not been ‘planned’ or rest thought through. My favorite tattoos will always be my Jensen ones, but these are full of me.
It’s been years since I’ve gotten my last one and I have more in mind now. Actually, I’ve planned for another tattoo here soon and I’m embracing it.
Self care is also about self expression. This is what’s working for me. Tattoos are kind of like glimpses back to our old selves. This tattoo will remind me of this healing time of my life.
I love it.
It’s me in the present moment and I think I really like the path I’m on.
Even though Mila HATES this tattoo, she graciously helped me take these pictures of it. She did a pretty good job.
Have you ever spontaneously gotten a tattoo before? Or would you in the future?
Toddler classes and sports can be a little… different than older kids. You never know what a toddler is going to do or say.
For us, dance class has been amazing. Mila loves the girls that are there, dancing, and following around her dance instructor the entire time. On the mom side of things, it’s a little more stressful, but full of proud moments too.
Every dance evening is full of thoughts, even though class is only a half hour long. Here are some of mine for you to laugh with.
What to do with her hair this week?
Every single week is a constant battle of doing something fun with her hair, but making sure it stays up. It’s even harder when your toddler doesn’t like their hair touched. Yet, somehow it ends up decently cute.
Where are her dance shoes?
Quiet panic sets, until you realize you just misplaced it in the car. Oh well.
Why are dance shoes so hard to put on?
Um, what shoe goes on which foot? Maybe she needs a bigger size… nope. Just on the wrong feet.
Please, let her be nice…
Thank goodness for socialization and her playing with other kids her age. Oops. No! Don’t push while you guys are racing.
Her teachers are ready. It’s go time.
She is so cute when she listens and dance.
Aww, she instantly found her sticker and is ready to go. Are all kids this cute when they listen?
Run and hide!
Time for a half hour of alone time. Let’s see if I can escape before she sees me leave.
Is she doing okay? Does she miss me?
Being away and not knowing is hard. I wonder if she’s listening and dancing her heart out. What if she’s looking for me and I’m not there?
Is the music really loud or am I just getting old… it’s definitely the music.
Time to watch all her dance efforts.
Her little face pops through the door. It’s time to watch all her hard work.
Just joy…
The smile on her face and all the little dancers face makes every up and down of the evening worth it.
Accurate description of what my face looked like this morning…
I had another post planned for today, but I wanted to write this out before it got lost in the others.
My house and I have had an up and down relationship. Yes, you read that right. The house I live in is sort of it’s own… entity. I’ve had a lot of spooky things that have happened throughout the years I’ve lived there.
In 2019, the house got so bad that I had to get it blessed. Honestly, it was a really scary time to live at my house. I considered moving, but wanted to try everything to stay there. Since then, it’s slowed down a lot. But, there are days, like this morning, that bring back that eerie feeling.
Back to this morning.
All night, I was in a deep sleep with really vivid dreams. So, when I woke up before my alarm, I was a little drowsy.
I opened my eyes and it looked like my living room light was on. Then I heard two things. The first was Max breathing and sounding like he was getting pet. Remember, he gets excited and when he gets attention, he sounds different (that sounds strange, but animal owners will understand). Then there was this squeaking. I thought it sounded like Mila’s one dump truck toy, but I had picked up the toys last night. So she must have found it and started playing with it again…
It’s not unlike her to get up and play with Max in the morning. She can reach the lights and knows where her toys are stored. I relaxed thinking it was just her.
Until, I felt someone move in bed beside me.
I turned my head to see Mila in a deep sleep. So, it wasn’t Mila out in the living room playing with Max and her truck.
After that realization, I involuntarily let out a sigh.
The truck stopped squeaking and a few seconds later, Max got up and ran into my room. I was afraid someone had heard me wake up and left, but I didn’t hear any footsteps or the door open.
Instead of getting up, I just laid there for a few minutes more.
There was no way Max could get the truck out of the bin and how could he make that squeaking sound. Maybe that sound was just in my head. I had been dreaming all night. It had to be explainable because my house has been so calm.
Before I got out of bed, I told myself that the truck was put away and I was psyching myself out.
When I walked into the living room, her yellow truck was flipped on its side. Just like it had been played with and put back down. Cold chills instantly went all over my body.
I know not everyone’s a believer, but it felt like there was someone in my house or Mila was playing out there. It’s the strangest feeling to not know what happened out there, but I know the toy was being played with and Max was getting attention.
No matter what anyone things, it definitely had to be a spirit or ghost. I didn’t feel threatened. It literally felt like a child was in my living room waiting on me.
Let’s just say, I’ll be burning sage in my house later tonight.
If you were wondering if I ran out of weird things Mila does last week, I didn’t. There was just other things to share.
Don’t worry, she’ll always be full of weird things.
Mila’s bedtime routine consists of brushing hair and teeth, reading books, and snuggling. But, a couple months ago, she added something new.
Every night before bed, Mila brings fruit snacks and Capri Suns for a midnight snack. It’s almost on cue. When she’s tired but still fighting sleep, she gets up and gets in the snack cabinet. Then comes with her hands full with these sweet treats.
Every. Single. Night.
I guess it’s sweet that she thinks about me and brings me snacks too. She could just keep them for herself… so that’s sweet.
It’s just a really weird thing to have added into a bedtime routine, especially after her teeth are brushed.
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, toddlers are just really weird.
Three nights ago, I had a scary incident. I still have the bruises on my arms to remind me what happened.
Since it’s happened, I’ve been unsure if it’s a loss mom thing or a general parent worry. Either way, I wanted to share it with everyone who reads this little blog because you’ve followed my family’s story this far.
So, I have a barn door for my bedroom door. The doorway is in between my bedroom and living room. My mom and I built it and it’s pretty heavy and sturdy. It’s fallen off the tracks a few times, mostly when I’ve been messing around with it and no little living thing is in the way.
The other night, Mila and I got home later than normal. Max was super excited to see us. As I’ve stated before, he can get a little hyper.
I fed Max and gave him a bone to calm down. Afterwards Mila and I walked into my bedroom and I didn’t latch open the sliding door. Max figured out we weren’t in the living room anymore and took off to my room.
While he was running, the door was shutting. Mila was going toddler speed and was only a few steps in front of the door when it happened.
Everything that happened next was in slow motion.
Max tore through the door and knocked it off the track. I saw it pop off and lift up. Then it started to tilt.
I yelled for Mila to move. All my anxiety could just imagine the door smashing into her.
Of course, she was frozen because she didn’t know why I was yelling. The dog looked scared… probably because it hurt a lot and he knew I was upset.
As it falls more slowly and everyone’s still froze, I had to jump into action. When I took that first step, time caught back up.
I threw my arms under the heavy door as it neared Mila. Somehow I kicked her to safety too.
The door landed on my wrists and forearms. There’s cuts and bruises, but nothing I can’t handle. Mila was upset and the dog was too, but everyone was safe.
After it all happened, I just kept thinking of what could have happened.
Whatif I was in the laundry room and didn’t see it happen?
What if I didn’t catch it in time?
How serious would it have been?
Would she have gotten badly hurt?
What can I do tomake this safer?
Even though everything turned out ‘okay,’ all those questions scare me. I don’t know what I would have done if she had gotten hurt.
I think after losing a child, the thought of losing another is always right there.
Anxiety is always in me. When I’m not with Mila, it skyrockets because I can’t be there to save or help her. It’s exhausting to always keep worrying and thinking of the bad.
These cuts and bruises on me remind me that she is safe and I’m doing my best.
I’m never going to be able to protect her from everything; I’m just learning how to manage that.
Do you overthink situations like this? Or can you just put it in the past?
Grey Skies & Rainbow Highs 