Three nights ago, I had a scary incident. I still have the bruises on my arms to remind me what happened.
Since it’s happened, I’ve been unsure if it’s a loss mom thing or a general parent worry. Either way, I wanted to share it with everyone who reads this little blog because you’ve followed my family’s story this far.
So, I have a barn door for my bedroom door. The doorway is in between my bedroom and living room. My mom and I built it and it’s pretty heavy and sturdy. It’s fallen off the tracks a few times, mostly when I’ve been messing around with it and no little living thing is in the way.
The other night, Mila and I got home later than normal. Max was super excited to see us. As I’ve stated before, he can get a little hyper.
I fed Max and gave him a bone to calm down. Afterwards Mila and I walked into my bedroom and I didn’t latch open the sliding door. Max figured out we weren’t in the living room anymore and took off to my room.
While he was running, the door was shutting. Mila was going toddler speed and was only a few steps in front of the door when it happened.
Everything that happened next was in slow motion.
Max tore through the door and knocked it off the track. I saw it pop off and lift up. Then it started to tilt.
I yelled for Mila to move. All my anxiety could just imagine the door smashing into her.
Of course, she was frozen because she didn’t know why I was yelling. The dog looked scared… probably because it hurt a lot and he knew I was upset.
As it falls more slowly and everyone’s still froze, I had to jump into action. When I took that first step, time caught back up.
I threw my arms under the heavy door as it neared Mila. Somehow I kicked her to safety too.
The door landed on my wrists and forearms. There’s cuts and bruises, but nothing I can’t handle. Mila was upset and the dog was too, but everyone was safe.
After it all happened, I just kept thinking of what could have happened.
What if I was in the laundry room and didn’t see it happen?
What if I didn’t catch it in time?
How serious would it have been?
Would she have gotten badly hurt?
What can I do to make this safer?
Even though everything turned out ‘okay,’ all those questions scare me. I don’t know what I would have done if she had gotten hurt.
I think after losing a child, the thought of losing another is always right there.
Anxiety is always in me. When I’m not with Mila, it skyrockets because I can’t be there to save or help her. It’s exhausting to always keep worrying and thinking of the bad.
These cuts and bruises on me remind me that she is safe and I’m doing my best.
I’m never going to be able to protect her from everything; I’m just learning how to manage that.
Do you overthink situations like this? Or can you just put it in the past?