Momma to an angel and a rainbow.
Journeying through grief, parenting after loss, and living life one day at a time.
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Thanks for reading!
The suns out for longer now and the days are finally getting warmer. My indoor plants are growing. Mila and Max are wanting to play outside all the time. Spring is here.
If you can remember back to the summer of 2019, I wanted to start new bucket lists for every seasons. Our summer and Christmas bucket lists were a success and whole bunch of fun. Unfortunately, COVID came and changed everyone’s world, so it didn’t feel like there was a lot to celebrate.
Even though COVID’s still in our lives, we’re excited to do a springtime bucket list this year!
With Jensen and Mila’s birthday, the end of my student teaching, and whatever else this bucket list has in store for us… we’re definitely going to be busy.
Without me going on and on… here’s our spring bucket list:
I’d love to hear what you’re planning this spring. Let me know in the comments.
To say I wasn’t prepared for Mila’s new and unwritten milestone would be a complete understatement. Not only did it come out of no where, it completely took me off guard.
Usually, Wednesdays are to tell you all about their weird things Mila does. It’s one of the things I look forward to sharing most about. They make me laugh to think about and I know other parents can connect to them too. I’m pretty sure all our kids are somewhat weird.
Anyways, I couldn’t even call what she did yesterday weird. It was more like… touching, heartwarming, and inspiring.
She absolutely made my heart grow with one little sentence.
Here’s what happened.
As I was leaving to go back to work after lunch, Mila did her normal goodbye routine. She has to give whoever a hug and kiss, at least two times. Then tells them she loves them and to have a good day. Just when you’re about to walk out the door, she’ll yell, “I need a hug and kiss!” Then run up to you.
Well, this lunch period was a little different. She ended up walking me out of the house, instead of watching me go. When I bent down to give her a hug and kiss, she said something new. Something no one prepared me about: the unwritten milestone.
You’re the best, Mom.
She has never, ever said that before; especially when I’m about to leave her for a few hours.
As she said it to me, she gave me a big squeeze. Then, she flashed her smile and walked back to the door. She waved and told me to have a good day.
In that big moment, I had to take a deep breath and get back to real life.
On the inside, I melted. I swear if it was any other time, I probably would have cried. With all the leaving her lately, I wonder how she thinks of me. That statement let me know everything I was doing was right.
It might sound silly to cherish this one unwritten rule, but no one told me what that one little saying would feel like when they said it.
There’s a high chance I’m not the best mom in the entire world, but I’m the best mom to MIla and that feels pretty good. One day she’ll learn the power in her words and how I’ll always think she’s the best girl.
For now, I’m celebrating this victory in motherhood and the unwritten milestone.
With St. Patrick’s Day right around the corner, I thought it’d be fun to work on Mila’s scissor skills and do some more process art. This Shamrock Collage is a fun way to teach them about a ton of different things, while they’re having fun.
Mila is so interested in scissors. Whenever I use mine, she asks for her and tries to cut different things. Although she’s still into using both hands to cut, I challenge her to try and use one hand.
If you didn’t know, toddlers Mila’s age shouldn’t really be cutting paper. They should practice on play-doh or something similar, which Mila does. But, I like seeing how she’s progressed. When she practices on paper, I try to cut strips for her so she can do short cuts.
Anyways, let’s get back to this project. Here’s all the supplies you’ll need:
Scrap paper
Scissors
Market
White paper
I’m going to go on about scissor skills (sorry!). If you want to age this activity up, use the green paper as a template. This is too old for Mila’s age and for most toddler-aged kids.
Anyways, I found extra scrapbook paper in the playroom. We don’t use a ton of green for crafts, so I actually had a good bit of it. To make the shamrock, I followed this pin. I cut long strips for her to make small cuts too.
She practiced holding the scissors and the paper.
Eventually, I ended up holding the paper for her to help out. She got a little bit frustrated with it, but she cut a good amount.
I ended up getting out play-doh and those scissors so she could continue cutting. Then I cut some extra squares and triangles so she had enough to do the collage. We sort of sham-rock team work. Okay, that was a lame joke, but it was festive.
Next, I placed the cut pieces in a bowl and covered all the white area of the clover in glue. Then, I instructed her to make a collage.
Specifically, I told her to cover all the white with green pieces.
She had a blast picking out the best pieces to put on her shamrock. We found some Irish music to listen to and it all came together pretty quickly.
One thing I would suggest is have a wet washcloth with you.
I think Mila’s going through something about sticky things. Every time her hand accidentally touched the glue, she immediately needed it wiped off. That took some time to do, but we had so much fun.
When she was done placing the paper, she wanted to draw around the sides. I think she just loves using markers.
Honestly, I loved the way it turned out.
It’s so festive and I feel like it’s a project that I can do with her through the years. For now, it’s hanging up on my fridge, waiting for the leprechauns to see!
Let me know what you think about this activity and if you try it out, I’d love to see what you and your little came up with.
If you’re looking to make St. Patrick’s Day magical or just want a tasty treat, try these Lucky Charm Bars. They’re just like Rice Krispy treats, but with the taste of Lucky Charms.
The best part is there are only 3 ingredients! Here’s what you’ll need:
6 cups of Lucky Charms
1 stick of unsalted butter
16 oz of marshmallows
The process to making this treat can be a little messy, but it’s fairly easy to do.
First, start off melting the butter and marshmallows together. I used medium heat so it didn’t get too hot to burn the marshmallows. It took a little bit of time, but I made sure to stir to break them down too.
When it’s melted, take off the heat and add the Lucky Charms to it. Make sure it all gets coated. This can get messy quick!
Then, spray a nonstick spray to a baking pan.
Spread the mix evenly across the pan. Again, this is a little tricky to do because it is so sticky! Keep at it and it’ll work.
Before letting it cool, I picked out marshmallows from the bag, even though I tell Mila not to… oops. I thought it’d look cute to have some extra on top of the Lucky Charm Bars. If it’s not a leprechaun trap, it’s definitely a toddler trap!
After around 40 minutes, your bars will be cooled and set to take pictures.
Cut them into bars or try using cookie cutters for fun shapes. After they’re cut up, you can enjoy your Lucky Charms Bars!
To store them, keep them in an air tight container on the counter. If you put them in the fridge, they’ll just harden up and loose their chewy appeal.
As always, let me know if the comments what you think of this recipe or if you try it out!
Want more St. Patrick’s Day food and snacks? Check out these ideas:
Three whole years of learning about and loving her. I’m going to admit, two has been my favorite. It’s a gift that I only have a month more to cherish.
If I could go back to a year ago and talk to myself about parenting, I’d tell myself one thing.
Always blow the bubbles.
When she has her bubble bottle outstretched to you, take that ten minutes and blow them. Even when you’re swamped with work and need to clean, blow the bubbles.
This is the purest time in their lives. The world around them is magical.
With all the worries adults have going on, bubbles are the only thing on a toddler’s mind. That and seeing their favorite smile in the world.
Bubbles are, of course, metaphoric.
They can be singing, or playing, or running, or listening, or dancing. Whatever it may be, when your child asks, try and blow the bubbles.
The years go so fast and in the moments you drop everything, time stands still.
Their laugh is all you can hear. And their smile… well, there hasn’t been a sweeter sight. They’re engrossed in the moment as much as you. All it took was focusing on this second.
Work, a dirty house, and other adults will always be around, but they won’t be little forever.
There will come a time where they don’t want you to blow bubbles. They’ll just do it themselves. The freedom you crave now will come and those toddler cuddles and desires will fade away.
Two and these toddler years are hard, but they go away so soon.
For us, two ends in a month.
If three-year-old Mila’s mom came to talk to me today, I bet she’d tell me the same advice…
Since I’ve been getting ready every morning since August, I’ve definitely used a lot more makeup. It’s also let me experiment too.
When I had the chance the last month to try a few new products, I took it. Honestly, it felt different reviewing beauty products, but I had a ton of fun with it!
Instead of just sitting with these pictures and experiences, I figured I’d share them!
benefit • they’re real! mascara
My favorite type of makeup is mascara. It can completely change someone’s face. For me, I feel like it frames my eyes and just makes my face look more polished.
When I had the opportunity to get this mascara in a VoxBox for free, I took it!
To make myself feel official for the review, I took progress pictures and all. It was intense, but I think I did alright?
As you can see, the mascara is pretty nice. I love the wand and how easily it applies.
One thing that I have noticed with it is the mascara smears off by the end of the day. It’s probably a me thing though. I have oily skin, so that plays a big part in it.
I guess I could flip that negative and say it’s nice to clean up at the end of the day too!
A Facebook friend recently reached out to me to try a color card.
She got a quick assessment of my makeup likes and dislikes. I also let her know I wanted to be adventurous in whatever I tried. Maybe I was feeling a little confident after my mascara review.
After a little mailing hiccup, I got to try a new look!
I followed the instructions on the card and tried new application techniques. Honestly, I think it turned out gorgeous. I only wish I could have showed my lipstick off in person.
After looking at these pictures again, the shades of eyeshadows are beautiful. I love how they all blended together. It was almost creamy, but still powdery too.
There’s some blush on my cheeks too. Just can’t see it as much! Isn’t that what makeups about?
Both looks and products were so much fun to try.
If I learned anything about my week of makeup blogging/testing, it’s to just say yes! Often we don’t want to try new things, but it can be a lot of fun. Maybe you’ll find something you love.
A big THANK YOU to everyone that let me try these products out. It was a blast.
If you liked this blog and have any suggestions of things I should try and review let me know in the comments, please.
Most toddlers probably don’t understand what Pi is or what maths really all about. Heck, I’m not sure I even know either.
But let’s be rational and not talk in circles.
Dah dah dum.
Did you get me one math joke I’ve ever told or no? Either way, it’s Pi Day and I made Mila a fun matching game that includes all different sizes of circles. You can do that same at home with items located in your house, at this very moment.
Not only does it introduce toddlers to what pi looks like and that it deals with circles, this game incorporates color and size matching too.
All you’ll need to make this matching game is a piece of paper, markers, and random lids.
Once you find a few lids, just trace around them on the paper. I did corresponding colors with the varying shapes. This really helped Mila with some of the shapes that are similar in size.
To be a little festive and help her connect circles with pi, I added the symbol inside all of them. She loved identifying the numbers at the top too.
I love being sneaky and adding learning points. She has no idea that she’s doing an educational activity. All she knows is that she’s having fun. It reinforces that learning is FUN.
Before letting her play, I randomly spread out the lids. Then I gave her directions to match them.
For her first match through, I had her focus on the size of the circles.
Mila actually did an amazing job.
She was able to correctly match all the lids. There were only two green ones that gave her a little trouble. With some encouragement, she was able to figure it out though.
When she was done, I cleared them off and had her do it again. This time, I had her focus on the color of the circles.
If you couldn’t have guessed from Mila’s reaction, she matched them up perfectly for the second time. She started stacking them after this time, which worked for me.
This matching game is a fun way to introduce Mila to math concepts that are advanced for her age. But, by just becoming familiar with pi and pairing it with circles, infinitely helps for the future.
Let’s hope she’s a little better at math than me!
I hope you and your toddler will enjoy this activity. It’s one you can create immediately at home.
As always, if you do participate, let me know in the comments!
Like seriously, it’s about five times a week. She’s super comfortable around heat sources, tools, and utensils. Plus, she loves trying new foods and dishes. I think when she has a hand in cooking, she’s more into trying whatever we cook.
Her favorite part is mixing and stirring our food. At first, it went normal. Lately, though, I’ve noticed she’s been doing something a little weird while I cook.
It doesn’t matter how many pots we use, she stirs with every single bamboo utensil. Weirder than that, she only uses the utensil for one stir and then discards it.
Not only is it a strange practice, it calls for a ton of clean up.
I guess toddlers like making a mess too. Maybe it’s about time she starts helping with all the dishes.
Let’s hope that she always loves cooking with me and wants to experiment with her food, but maybe gets a little less messy as time goes by. Even just practicing using one utensil instead of them all.
Toddlers are just weird.
Does anyone else’s toddler have to use every single one of an object? Mila does this with paint brushes too!
When Jensen died, it was the first time I had ever felt that type of grief.
It followed me everywhere. No matter what I did, it felt tangled in my every day life. Honestly, grief is still present. Although it doesn’t control me as it did before, I can feel it deep down. It’s been creeping up lately, so have the tears, as we get closer to his birthday.
When I got pregnant with Mila, I wondered how his death would impact her. We’ve always said his name and she loves seeing his picture. Mila always says how much she loves and misses her Jensen. She’s not been the biggest fan of Jensen bear, but as of lately, she’s been more interested.
For the first time ever, I haven’t had to wonder when the first time she’d bring his loss up.
Before bed, Mila asked, for the first time ever, if Jensen bear could come and sleep with us. She picked him up and didn’t complain about how heavy he was. After she tucked him in beside me, she went and grabbed a book for us to read.
While reading it, she cuddled with Jensen bear and hugged him tight. As the story ended, she looked at me with her big eyes and asked why Jensen wasn’t with us.
I told her he was always in our hearts and when we missed him we could talk to him.
This answer wasn’t the one she wanted. Her mouth turned to a frown and I saw a familiar feeling. The heaviness of grief weighed her down. She misses him and doesn’t understand why she can’t have her brother.
I wish I could tell her why and make it all better, but this is the grieving process.
Instead of telling her it’d eventually be all okay, I held her tight and told her I missed him too. I let her know it was okay to be sad.
This is sibling grief.
I’ve been on this grief journey for almost five years now. It’s changed how I view the world and myself in it. There’s no question on if it’ll do the same to Mila.
It will.
Here’s some ways I’ve helped her grieve the death of her brother. Maybe it can help your child grieve too.
Talk openly about the person.
Let your child know it’s okay to talk about the person that’s not here anymore. By opening up that conversation, they’ll be able to express their feelings and memories about the loss and the person.
Get a physical way they can remember their loved one.
We love our Jensen bear. It’s a great comfort object that can actually help and squeezed. For toddlers and kids, I think a stuffed animal with a loved ones shirt would be perfect. Another idea would be a necklace or piece of jewelry they can keep on them too.
Start a journal with them.
Although Mila is a little young to be journaling, I plan on doing this with her when she starts to write. Sometimes kids don’t want to express their feelings through talking, a journal is a great way to get those feelings out without making them uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways to co-journal with your child too.
Encourage them to express their feelings through art.
Drawing and painting is a great way to have your child show you what they’re feeling. This could be incorporated as a journal or a weekly activity. Let them know there’s no wrong way to feel or express it.
Celebrate your loved ones.
I think one of the hardest things for people to grasp is there is joy in grief. As hard as it is to lose someone, there’s still all that love and happiness they brought too. For Mila, we celebrate Jensen’s birthday every year, we put up his Christmas ornaments, and include him in our family pictures. He is always celebrated with us and is included just as much as if he was actually here.
Let them be sad.
No one can make grief feel better. Sometimes you have to sit with that sadness. This goes the same for kids too. All you can do is listen and be there for your child. They’ll let you know what they need from you. Sadness is a healthy emotion when it can properly be felt.
If your child is depressed make sure to reach out to a therapist to best help their needs.
I’ll never claim to know everything about grief, but a lot of these things have helped Mila and I plan on continuing to incorporate them in our lives for a long time.
Do you have any other ways that can help a child through the loss of a loved one and grief?
Yes. You’re going to change the world. You are powerful.
No matter where life takes you, there are so many opportunities at your fingertips. It doesn’t matter who you want to become or what you want to be. You have the ability to do what you want.
In a world that I’m not so certain of, I am certain of your value and worth. We live in a time where girls can grow up and not be looked down on just because they’re women. Women are superheroes. You, my small, little woman, are a superhero.
As you grow up, I’ll never pressure you to do anything you don’t want. I will, though, show you how much women have overcome throughout the history of the world. It’s important to know that growth. Better yet, to help you realize your strength and importance in the world.
You independent and intelligence is going to get you everything you’ll ever want. When those don’t seem enough (and believe me they are), you have the support of women everywhere.
I don’t know what the world will be like when you’re in your twenties, but I hope it keeps evolving.
It’s my dream that you’ll have a society where there’s equality and justice. I don’t want to ever worry about someone ever hurting you and then getting away with it. I hope there won’t be any threat to your right to choose what you to with your body.
Mila, you’ve been born into a generation full of power and opportunity.
I’m so excited to see you grow into whoever you’ll be. Always know, you’ll have your mom’s support. No matter if you end up becoming a dance teacher or a world leader.
Grey Skies & Rainbow Highs 