Category Archives: Motherhood

Goodbye Kisses.

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One of the toughest things I face as a single mom is wondering if Mila has enough love.

It’s hard being away from her during the days, but I have to be to give her the life she deserves. When we’re together, we play, read stories, and create. I tell her I love her every chance I get and she does the same.

We’re happy in our own little world.

But, it’s the days I have to go away. I question if she forgets about all our fun. There are some times I wonder if the love I instill in her stays. Or if she’s just made at me when I’m gone.

A few nights ago, I realized I shouldn’t put any thought into those fears.

I picked her up one afternoon after school. She sat in the car as my mom told her goodbye. As usual, she asked for a hundred goodbye hugs and kisses. Then kept saying bye. As my mom walked away, then started the goodbye kisses.

She blew them and for awhile they were reciprocated. Mom had to go back inside, but Mila did something that made me smile.

As the door shut and we backed out of the driveway, I saw her continue blowing goodbye kisses.

Between each kiss, she yelled, “goodbye! I love you!.”

She didn’t stop when we backed out. Or when we went down the street. Or even parked in our driveway. Outside our door, she kept saying goodbye and how much she loved her Gigi.

That’s when I realized, Mila has all the love in the world. She knows what love feels like and how to feel it towards others.

All those worries about if I’m doing good enough ease.

The next morning, when it’s hard to go away again. I see her goodbye kisses in action. It made leaving a little easier.

Because, I know those goodbye kisses never end and that love travels where ever we go.

Cheesy Beef Quesadilla Recipe

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As you all know, Mila and I love Mexican food. It helps that it’s quick and easy to make too.

One of the things I have issues with in making Mexican is folding the tortillas. I either stuff it too much or mess it up in ways I don’t even know how.

Recently though, I found a new way to fold it!

All it took was one cut and three folds. It’s simple enough for everyone. I knew I had to try it out ASAP.

What you’ll need:

  • 1 pound ground beef
  • Taco seasoning
  • Beef broth – 2 tablespoons
  • Tomato paste – 1 tablespoon
  • Shredded cheese (I used taco)
  • Flour tortillas

First, add ground beef and spices into a hot pan. Cook through and then stir in tomato paste and beef broth. Then cook one or two minutes more.

After the ground beef is cooked, drained excess oil and put beef in a bowl.

Next, prep your tortillas. To do this, follow the steps in the pictures below.

Simply, make a cut, spread sour cream, add cheese and meat, then fold. It’s pretty simple. I added extra cheese to the non-meat portions.

After it’s folded, heat up on a pan until the outside is cooked.

This recipe is seriously tasty. I love all the cheese and Mila ate a full quesadilla.

You could add any toppings with this such as guacamole or salsa. Or feel free to add them on the inside too.

Follow this folding technique for optimal, cheesy bites every time!

If you try this recipe or fold technique out, let me know in the comments.

Single Mom Probs: Part One

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Single mom problems…

When a quick trip to run some errands turn into making sure all their favorite toys have to go with us. Then then insisting said toys cannot stay in the car by themselves.

Oh, the horror of that possibility.

Once you’re inside of said errand spot, holding the toys becomes quite boring. They start to play on the floor.

As it’s time to leave, they forget one on the ground. But there’s no man left behind here.

You’re five minute trip, easily becomes thirty minutes. They only want to take one toy inside, so you’re arms are fuller than before.

But nothing beats that smile.

Full of You.

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This morning was full of you.

It was so early, that I felt like I was the only person awake in the whole entire world. I didn’t feel alone though. You were with me. I felt your presence all around my body and inside my mind.

Some days I miss you more than any thing else. Those days, my grief runs deeply. It’s hard to have your child, that you love so much, be gone for so long. Other days your energy shines so bright. It’s like you’re not physically here with us, but your love and light is. Whether it’s while Mila plays, when we light your candle, or mornings like these, you’re always with us.

I drank hot tea from your ‘J’ cup. It warmed me and helped the calmness you bring spread throughout.

As I sit here, that warmth feels like you’re hugging me.

Even almost five years into this grief journey, I ache for everything I missed with you: your deep breathing while you slept, the look in your eyes when you saw me, and the sound of your voice. That’s the funny thing about grief. It doesn’t matter how far you’re out, it’s always right there.

In the calmness of the world and in myself, I can imagine all the things I wish I knew of you. It’s not the real thing, but it’s all we have.

I love you and miss you. I’m so thankful for this morning, full of you.

Un-talked About Nights.

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This is the side of motherhood that doesn’t get talked about a lot.

The times where it’s 2am and there’s been an accident. Instead of getting mad at your child who’s already upset, you choose to do the harder thing.

You strip the bed, get it cleaned up, and then take every clean blanket to the living room.

They’re still crying. It’s disappointing and when you’re almost three, you have big emotions. A single accident feels world shattering, but it’s not.

It’s the decision to sleep in another bed or, in our case, make a huge, blanket sleep space in the middle of the floor. You tell them it’s much more fun to have a sleepover in the living room anyways.

Then, you calm them and help get them back to sleep.

No. It’s not the night you wanted. I mean, who wants to sleep on the floor? But just because it was a physically messy accident, doesn’t mean it needs to be emotionally messy too.

Parenting is hard. Parenting with lack of sleep is even harder.

These nights are not in the greatest hits moments. Yet, something tells me these un-talked about nights have lasting effects.

Chicken Pot Pie Casserole Recipe

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Okay everyone, I originally had another meal planned for today, but knew this one had to go out first. You’re going to want to make this as soon as possible.

This casserole is easy to throw together and tastes GREAT! Mila ate a whole bowl full.

Here’s all you need:

  • 4 cups of shredded chicken (any cooked chicken will do, I used rotisserie chicken)
  • 2 cans of Cream of Chicken soup
  • Salt and Pepper
  • Garlic and Onion Powder
  • Butter
  • 2 cups milk
  • 1 can Grand Biscuits
  • 4 cups of frozen veggies (I used carrots, green beans, corn, and peas)
  • Cheese (optional)

First, preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

While oven is preheating, take large skillet and put it on medium heat. Melt 2 tablespoons butter and add frozen veggies to cook for 10-15 minutes. Then, place biscuits on a baking sheet.

When oven is preheated, Place the biscuits pan in the oven to prebake them for 8 minutes. They’ll finish baking when you put the whole casserole in. When they’re done, take out of the oven, but don’t shut the oven off.

Add the chicken, milk, cream of chicken soup, and spices to the frozen veggies. Stir for 5 minutes, until it’s bubbly hot.

After it’s mixed and heated, pour into a 9×13 dish. Then take the prebaked biscuits and put them on top of the mixture, baked side down and raw side up.

Before placing into the oven, melt 2 tablespoons of butter, mix in garlic powder, and pour over the biscuits. This will make your biscuits tastes extra delicious. At this point, I also sprinkled cheese over top of them too.

Then, bake for 12 minutes or until the biscuits are golden brown.

This meal is mouthwatering.

It feels great to find some meals that aren’t Mexican that Mila loves. This tastes like home and makes me feel all warm inside. I’m glad it made her happy too!

I’ll make sure to share the other recipe next week. Spoiler alert, it’s Mexican inspired, but just as yummy.

If you make this recipe, let me know what you think!

New Year. New Look.

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I’m not the ‘new year, new me,’ type of girl, but I’ve been aching for a change.

My hair has been the same since Mila was born. Then, in the time between her and Jensen, I didn’t do much to myself. Grief is hard on a person and with Jensen went a big part of my fun and spontaneity.

It happens. That was the worst time of my life.

Something has been calling out to me the last few weeks, this was it. So, what better time is there to reinvest in yourself than the present?

The glasses are fake, well blue light ones. I’m digging them, but my hair. Oh. My. Goodness. I’m completely obsessed with it.

I used to have crazy highlights and stay up with the latest trends. Now, I feel like I got a little of myself back. I think Jensen would be happy with it too. Even if Mila didn’t look at my for the first twenty minutes.

A night at the salon, (thanks Tina!) made me feel brighter and gave me the change I’ve been needing.

New year. New look. Same me.

The Spooky Strikes Back.

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If you’ve been following my blog for a while and can remember clear back to the summer of 2019, my house had a… spooky occurrences.

Yes, the blessing helped tremendously for a while. The unexplainable things in my house calmed down, but I still have to burn sage weekly. If I don’t, the house starts to feel strange again.

I know not everyone’s a believer, it’s just terrifying when it happens to you.

So, I won’t get into any of the recent happenings, but this week, Mila said something that stopped me in my tracks. Instantly, I called my mom (yep, still that person), and asked if I was hearing Mila correctly.

Turns out… I was.

I don’t know who Jo-Jo is and never want to either. Anyone that lives in the basement is NOT a friend of mine.

After I stopped recording this, Mila informed me that Jo-Jo is a baby, plays with her, and goes with her places. She also danced with him and she gives him bottles. It’s quite creepy. I don’t know a Jo-Jo, but I definitely need to research more.

Let’s just say, I’ll be sage-ing my house everyday for a long time.

PSA: You’re Still a Good Mom If…

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In a perfect, social media world, beautiful dinners are made every night and the house is always clean.

As much as I’d love for all of that to magically happen, I live in reality. Some nights the floors go unswept and quick meals look like this.

Guess what… I’m still a good mom and had a happy kid. We even snacked on carrots after too.

Whatever you need to do to get through the day, night, or minute, do it. Sometimes that means pizza bagels for dinner and not doing the dishes after.

You’re still a good mom if you don’t make Pinterest worthy meals every night or have a perfectly cleaned house. In your kids eyes, you’re always the best.

Just keep doing you.

Documenting Gratitude in 2021.

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Earlier this week, I talked about how I failed to even remember 2020’s word of the year. I also didn’t keep up with something that was important to me.

I’m sure you’ve seen it on some type of social media, but it’s a gratitude jar. Every day or week, you write down something that made you feel grateful. Last year, I tried to do every day and I succeed until March.

This year, I’m challenging myself to one every week. Plus, Mila is going to be accountable to tell me what made her smile this week.

I want Mila to know she’s important and that she has a big space in our home. Even though she told me chocolate milk was the best part of last week… which is also funny if you read yesterday’s post.

Anyways, every Sunday, Mila and I are going to have a little chat about our week. Whatever we’re thankful for, I’ll write it down. Then, I’ll keep it locked up tight in our jar.

By the end of the year, there will be 52 or more pieces of gratitude on paper.

Hopefully, this will make the both of us smile. If 2021 is relatable to 2020, we’ll need the moments of gratitude next New Year’s Eve.

Have you thought about ways to document this next year? I’m also keeping a journal too.