Honestly, the month has went fairly quick. I think with how busy we were, it helped with my grief and anxiety. Keeping myself busy with school, writing, and poetry has given me the space I needed. Now that I’ve made it to the end of April and my college classes (!), I can relax just a little bit.
One of the hardest parts with writing poetry is finding inspiration.
How does someone narrow down all the things that inspire them? Then pick out the words to explain it? It’s actually a pretty daunting task if you really think about it.
Yet, there’s something most everyone can connect with… music!
No matter what type of music a person listens to, there are usually lyrics and meaning behind them. I think everyone connects to songs differently, even the same ones. Song lyrics are just long poems, so one way to create your own poetry easy it to pull from what you’re familiar with.
This is simple. All you have to do is look at lyrics from your favorite songs and pull different lines form it. You could do one or two songs and just pick the lyrics that speak to you.
I’ll show you an example.
One song that I love is “More Than a Feeling” by Boston. It’s catchy and reminds me of song you can drive around with your windows down in the summer. When I looked into the lyrics, I found different lines to construe the song to make it have more of a connection to me.
Now my poem might not give off the vibe of driving around with the windows down like the song did. But, it’s not supposed to do that.
When I wrote this poem, I thought about my motherhood. Losing Jensen and how it felt like he slipped away from me. Then having Mila and wanting to hold on to her. It sort of reminds me of how grief creeps up on a person and takes them away for a little bit.
All I did was pull different lines from the song to make it into my own poem. It’s really as simple as that.
No matter what feeling you get from a song, you can put your own spin on it through a poem. It’s also a nice way to start writing poetry. There are people that don’t think they’re good at writing, but with this activity, you already have the words provided for you. All you have to do is put them in the order you want.
There’s not right or wrong ways to write poetry, but writing it can be a great way to express yourself.
I have a few more poems that I’m going to share in the next few days about motherhood, of course with Mother’s Day coming up. They’re vulnerable to share, but I love creating and getting feedback on them too. It’s such a great self care activity too!
If you happen to try this poetry writing activity, I’d love for you to share your poems in the comments or just thoughts on it in general.
I can’t explain how important self care is at least once a week.
By the end of the week, I usually can feel my body and mind aching for a little me time. Just a few moments of not being a mom or any of my roles. Five minutes of just being me.
I was able to write another poem and knew I needed to share it here.
even when things pull you apart, it’s just the time to show heart.
you can do all hard things, no matter what life brings.
just keep growing.
Throughout life, there’s always times where it feels constant. You might feel like different responsibilities are ripping you apart. Before letting it tear you down, center yourself. Realize how powerful you are. All you have to do is keep growing and going.
After filling out my planner this week, my thoughts were running; which isn’t the goal for that activity. It was nice to be able to take a few minutes and just paint.
I love plants. They remind me we can grow through any conditions, but when we try to give them what they need, they thrive. Humans aren’t too different from plants in that aspect. I see my plants that are slow growing right now, even during spring. They remind me of myself and getting through these last two weeks of school.
Soon, I’ll be thriving. I need to just keep growing.
One of the toughest things I face as a single mom is wondering if Mila has enough love.
It’s hard being away from her during the days, but I have to be to give her the life she deserves. When we’re together, we play, read stories, and create. I tell her I love her every chance I get and she does the same.
We’re happy in our own little world.
But, it’s the days I have to go away. I question if she forgets about all our fun. There are some times I wonder if the love I instill in her stays. Or if she’s just made at me when I’m gone.
A few nights ago, I realized I shouldn’t put any thought into those fears.
I picked her up one afternoon after school. She sat in the car as my mom told her goodbye. As usual, she asked for a hundred goodbye hugs and kisses. Then kept saying bye. As my mom walked away, then started the goodbye kisses.
She blew them and for awhile they were reciprocated. Mom had to go back inside, but Mila did something that made me smile.
As the door shut and we backed out of the driveway, I saw her continue blowing goodbye kisses.
Between each kiss, she yelled, “goodbye! I love you!.”
She didn’t stop when we backed out. Or when we went down the street. Or even parked in our driveway. Outside our door, she kept saying goodbye and how much she loved her Gigi.
That’s when I realized, Mila has all the love in the world. She knows what love feels like and how to feel it towards others.
All those worries about if I’m doing good enough ease.
The next morning, when it’s hard to go away again. I see her goodbye kisses in action. It made leaving a little easier.
Because, I know those goodbye kisses never end and that love travels where ever we go.
I wanted to post this yesterday, but, like this story, my Christmas was filled with Mila. This was my final story for my creative writing class this year. I’m proud of it and I wanted to share it with all of you.
I hope all of you had a very, merry Christmas. Enjoy.
My eyes blink open and everything seems so bright. The morning air feels chilly as I search for her in bed.
I realize she’s not here. Being alone can be so scary.
In the mornings, I typically love to cuddle up beside her. She is my safe place. Anytime I’m cold, she warms me up. When afraid, she shows me there’s nothing to fear. The mornings she’s not here, I try to tell myself she hasn’t gone too far.
The longer I wait in her big bed, the more I worry she’s forgotten about me. I let out a little whimper, then I call her name wondering if she’ll hear me.
I hear the sweetest voice coming from the bedroom. Her footsteps start silently and get louder the closer she gets. All morning I’ve been up preparing for this moment.
It’s still snowing outside, as it has all night. My coffee has long been cold, but the hot chocolate on the stove is at the perfect temperature. There are only crumbs on the Santa plate and the milks all gone in the reindeer cup. All her presents are wrapped in shiny, red paper with big bows on top. The fairy lights around the living room and the Christmas tree are shining bright.
There will never be a perfect moment, but this is as close as it’ll get.
She’s running through the doorway at this point and there’s only one thing I can say.
I can’t believe my eyes. Santa came and left presents at my house, just for me. The cookies Mama and I made are all gone and it looks like he loved the milk we left him too.
Mama is smiling at me as she holds her arms open for a hug. This is the safety I was looking for this morning. I look up at her and smile. She looks beautiful with the lights twinkling in her eyes. I tell her Merry Christmas back. I’m still in shock. Santa brought presents and I can’t wait to rip this paper off of them. Mama and I are going to play all day.
When she puts me down, she pours us hot chocolate and I guess I should take a drink first. It tastes extra chocolatey with peppermint! Maybe Santa left some for us.
“Santa brought me presents and hot chocolate!”
The only thing I can do is smile at her. Her innocence and awe of everything in the world has impacted me more than she could ever imagine. She sees the magic around us and I wouldn’t want it differently.
I wonder if she notices the dark circles under my eyes or that my hair hasn’t been brushed. Wrapping presents all night while trying to be quiet was no easy task.
She asks if she can open them up and I nod at her.
With every quick rip of the wrapping paper, she smiles even bigger. The presents she wanted and circled in the Amazon toy book are now in her hands. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile bigger.
I pull out my phone to capture this moment.
Mama pulls out her phone again. I don’t know why she’s been on it so much lately. We have plenty to do here, but I say cheese as loud as I can. Can’t she understand that Santa has brought me these presents.
I go back to unwrapping. In the background, I hear her tell me if a present is from her or someone else I know. Between each gift, I look want to figure out how I can get them out, but Mama just tells me to give them to her.
We’re back to being a team.
She gets the first present open and it’s something I’ve never seen before. There’s still presents under the tree, but when Mama explains what this thing does, I want to play with it.
I run to get my snow coat, pants, and shoes. Mama gets my gloves and hat. She puts them all on me and I run out the back door.
The cold air stops me in my tracks. No wonder why I was so cold this morning.
There’s more snow than there was yesterday and it keeps falling. Where is my mama? She will love all this snow.
“Come on, Mama!”
This surprise gift caught her off guard. It’s one I don’t think she’s even ever seen one before. Her face when she saw it out was priceless.
She hurried outside and I have to get warm quick.
I’m moving more slowly than normal; the tiredness form the night is wearing me down. She’s yelling for me as I slip some boots on and wrap my big, winter coat around me. I rush out the door as she’s saying my name more.
It’s so bright out. The fresh snow is crisp under each step. There’s beauty all around me, but I can only look at her.
I lay her gift down and almost naturally she jumped on top of it. The rope feels rough in my hands, but I hold on tight. Its blades cut through the snow and her laugh somehow fills our whole backyard.
Who knew an old school sled could bring a toddler so much fun?
Time went by so fast. All I could hear was her yelling to go faster. I went as fast as I could for as long as I could. When I looked back, her cheeks were red and I knew it was time to go in.
“Let’s go get warmed up.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling and maybe cause it’s cold outside.
Mama scoops me up from my new toy, a sled. Instantly I’m warm again. We go into home and I remember something important.
I try to squirm out of my mama’s arms, but she’s holding me tight. Somehow, I kick enough for her to let me down. She’s saying something to me, but I don’t listen. This is way more important and my mama needs it right now.
Santa didn’t forget about me this morning, but I didn’t see him bring anything for her. She needs to know she’s been a good girl too.
In my room, under the rainbow Christmas tree, I uncover a pretty box. Then I run out to her.
She’s so impatient. As soon as I get her in the house, she has to run off. Now she’s running back in here. There’s something in her hands.
Quickly, she pulls my hand to the couch and as I sit, she puts a box in my hands.
There’s a tag addressed to me in her writing. The present is wrapped with a lot of tape. She looks so proud of her little surprise to me.
I don’t even need to open it. Whatever is inside will be my favorite gift of all time.
This Christmas morning has been full of perfect moments. The dark circles under my eyes feel like they have vanished and the cold has left both of our bodies. I never want to forget this.
She is my safe place and always makes me feel warm. Anytime I’m afraid of what’s going to come next, she helps me realize there’s nothing to fear. She’ll never know how thankful I am for her.
I open the present from her and without even seeing it, I wrap my arms around her and she squeezes back.