Yesterday I turned twenty-four years old. It marks the third year I knew about Jensen’s existence. I can remember being so excited when I turned twenty-two, just waiting for this huge change to happen. Last year, I hated turning another year older. This year, I’m sort of embracing the change. I don’t like getting older and knowing Jensen will never age, but I know it needs to be special. These big days will forever be bittersweet. His absence is deafening, but I’m to a point where I need to celebrate these victories.
That’s what he’d want me to do too.
I wanted to give you all a big recap of my day. To be honest, it was boring to most. A lot of much needed self care and a big dinner with my family. The day was just what I needed it to be and I felt Jensen all around me.
In my twenty-four years, I’ve realized what is most important in my life. I wanted to share my ‘wisdom’ that I’ve gained in old age with you all…
- Love Yourself
- Family Over Everything
- Live in the Moment
- You’re Only Human
- Smile When You Can
- Be Authentically You
- Don’t Take Anything for Granted
I feel like they’re all mantras you see on a bumper sticker, but, for me, it’s what keeps my world turning. Losing Jensen and life after loss has showed me what’s important. I hate thinking that just because he died I realized these things, but in tragedy eyes are opened.
The one thing I’ll always miss on my birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas is cards and gifts from Jensen. I looked forward to having handmade crafts from school or my parents taking him to the store to get a card. There would be a collection of cards from him and seeing how time effected his handwriting. It would be like a time capsule.
Last night, my parents presented me with a gift. I knew they had bought me clothes (they had me pick them out) and a candle. When I reached in the bag though, I discovered not one, but two cards. Danielle on the first and Mommy on the other. Although I have never told my mom and dad my longing to get something from Jensen, they gave me a gift that touched my heart.
Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday this week. It was filled with peace and hope for this coming year.