When I was younger, I thought a person cried because there was so much sadness or pain inside them, that the only way it could go out was through tears. Little Danielle believed all those emotions were tangible because that’s how we explain things to ourselves when we’re younger.
Honestly, I wasn’t too far off.
Tears are a physical representation of when a person is feeling sadness and/or pain and so much more. Your body cries as a defensive mechanism and to communicate to others that there’s something wrong.
When I say I’m in an immense amount of pain since losing Jensen, I’m not joking. My whole body hurts and my thoughts can be so negative and complex. With all those emotions trying to escape, I cry… a lot. There hasn’t been a single day since I heard those words that I haven’t cried. It could be one or two tears or it could be a sob-fest. It just depends on the day and the trigger.
I’ve cried going to get groceries, not caring who in the world saw me.
I’ve cried going out to dinner and telling the waiter not to worry about me.
I’ve cried in front of people I never thought I would.
I’ve cried driving down the highway and then feel bad that I was driving poorly.
I’ve cried telling Jensen’s story.
I’ve cried when people have asked how I was doing.
I’ve cried alone in my bed.
I’ve cried brushing my teeth.
And I’ve sobbed in the shower.
Here’s the thing I’ve learned about tears, they don’t show weakness. A lot of people have grown up hearing that projecting their feelings and being in pain is ‘bad.’ We’re told to suck it up and stop crying. Or there’s other people who try to make a person ‘feel better’ when they’re crying.
I’ve learned, it’s okay to cry in public and in front of the whole world. There’s battles people are facing every second of the day and getting those tears out releases a lot of what’s bottled inside. There is nothing weak about that.
There is strength in tears.
And that’s a good thing for me because I’ve cried enough to fill the oceans.