Toddlerhood Versus Motherhood.

This is us. Right now. It’s 5:30 on a random Thursday night in February.

Yesterday, I planned on having her in bed early tonight to get school and house work done. Today, those plans were thrown out the window by a headstrong toddler and her canine companion.

To tire her out today we: ran, painted, danced, wiped cabinets down, folded laundry, put away her clothes, practiced Max’s commands, brushed each other’s hair, destroyed the house, and much, much more. I pulled out all the tricks get her to nap early, but she fought it. After I realized she wasn’t napping, I tried keeping her up. Which she ended up falling asleep standing up/leaning on me.

I gave in.

She’s asleep and bedtime was just in sight. Somedays it feels like I’m rocking motherhood and others just feels like a little pause in the rocking. I feel like maybe I’m just being hard on myself.

After realizing I’m probably not going to be able to do what I wanted, I’ve sat here and thought about Mila’s point of view. Today she got to play all day with her mom and dog. She ate her favorite foods, even cookies in the middle of the day. New music filled the house and with that we danced and laughed. And she ran and giggled and had no cares in the world. She was just herself, living in the moment, not caring what time it was or if she skipped a nap, or if bedtime was soon either. When she finally was tired, she went to the safest place she knew.

I wish I could live more like Mila somedays.

Forget about all the things that should be done. Forget how things should look. Forget about time. Forget everything besides being happy.

So with her hand still holding my pinky, I’m taking in this moment of calm and being her place of comfort. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being surprised with how much her and her brother have taught me about life and living. And tonight… after she wakes up, I’ll live like a toddler with no rules. We’ll eat ice cream and watch ‘Beast’ (Beauty and the Beast). I’ll remember what all toddlers can teach us and that she won’t be this little for much longer.

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