“In order to heal we must first forgive… and sometimes the person we must forgive is ourselves.”
Forgiveness is important all throughout life.
Everyone you meet will make a mistake sometime while you know them. I’ve made mistakes and you’ll make them too. It’s inevitable. People are flawed, but most of us cut each other some slack and know this. We forgive big and little mistakes and it’s crucial we do this.
Sometimes in life bad things happen and we have no one to forgive. Maybe you’ll take that one thing and put it on yourself. This is what I did after Jensen was born. I was so angry that I didn’t know something bad was going to happen or that I didn’t feel something different. All I could do was be mad at myself, on top of grieving. It wasn’t a good mix and I didn’t know how to move through that patch. Sometimes, I still blame myself; even when I know I did all I could do. In this time, I learned the hardest person to forgive is yourself.
Just in the last month, I’ve truly forgave myself. I thought my body failed me with Jensen or maybe that I wasn’t good enough to have him. Everything negative I could think about myself concerning his death, I thought. Now that you’re here, I realized I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything extra different during each pregnancy, besides worry and stews way more with you. With you and him, I carried, loved, and dreamed of so many things we would do. There’s nothing I could have done to change both outcomes. It’s just how it is and I know that now. In some crazy way, you and your brother both have taught me this in different ways.
I’ve forgiven myself and one day when you have to do the same, I hope you know there isn’t anything you could do that would ever prevent me in forgiving you.
Always be you.
I love you.