Story time.
Three nights ago, I had a scary incident. I still have the bruises on my arms to remind me what happened.
Since it’s happened, I’ve been unsure if it’s a loss mom thing or a general parent worry. Either way, I wanted to share it with everyone who reads this little blog because you’ve followed my family’s story this far.
So, I have a barn door for my bedroom door. The doorway is in between my bedroom and living room. My mom and I built it and it’s pretty heavy and sturdy. It’s fallen off the tracks a few times, mostly when I’ve been messing around with it and no little living thing is in the way.
The other night, Mila and I got home later than normal. Max was super excited to see us. As I’ve stated before, he can get a little hyper.
I fed Max and gave him a bone to calm down. Afterwards Mila and I walked into my bedroom and I didn’t latch open the sliding door. Max figured out we weren’t in the living room anymore and took off to my room.
While he was running, the door was shutting. Mila was going toddler speed and was only a few steps in front of the door when it happened.
Everything that happened next was in slow motion.
Max tore through the door and knocked it off the track. I saw it pop off and lift up. Then it started to tilt.
I yelled for Mila to move. All my anxiety could just imagine the door smashing into her.
Of course, she was frozen because she didn’t know why I was yelling. The dog looked scared… probably because it hurt a lot and he knew I was upset.
As it falls more slowly and everyone’s still froze, I had to jump into action. When I took that first step, time caught back up.
I threw my arms under the heavy door as it neared Mila. Somehow I kicked her to safety too.
The door landed on my wrists and forearms. There’s cuts and bruises, but nothing I can’t handle. Mila was upset and the dog was too, but everyone was safe.
After it all happened, I just kept thinking of what could have happened.
What if I was in the laundry room and didn’t see it happen?
What if I didn’t catch it in time?
How serious would it have been?
Would she have gotten badly hurt?
What can I do to make this safer?
Even though everything turned out ‘okay,’ all those questions scare me. I don’t know what I would have done if she had gotten hurt.
I think after losing a child, the thought of losing another is always right there.
Anxiety is always in me. When I’m not with Mila, it skyrockets because I can’t be there to save or help her. It’s exhausting to always keep worrying and thinking of the bad.
These cuts and bruises on me remind me that she is safe and I’m doing my best.
I’m never going to be able to protect her from everything; I’m just learning how to manage that.
Do you overthink situations like this? Or can you just put it in the past?
Grey Skies & Rainbow Highs 
I have this feeling all too well. I never let my oldest fall asleep for fear he wouldn’t wake up (just as I found my mother when I was 14 years old.) The what-if’s can be so overwhelming. Hugs! I hope your injuries heal quickly and thank God Mila and the pup are ok.
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It’s so hard to have that anxiety. The fear of them not waking is so hard and heavy. I’m so glad they’re okay too. Thank you.
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First I’m glad you are mostly ok but most of all you are super mom. I think we moms would do anything to protect our babies no matter how old they are. We will always worry about them and have anxiety, the why just changes as they get older.
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Thank you so much. I think we’re all super moms doing our very best! Thinking of all the future why’s seems so daunting. I think it’s the less and less control of what they’re doing too that’s difficult. BUT it’s also beautiful to see them grow and get through all the anxiety we have for them.
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I am glad your ok. I have generalized anxiety and its a horrible feeling. all you can do is think about the worse case escenario. It has taken many therapies and deep breaths to move on. thank you for sharing this blog as many mums outthere are suffering with anxiety.
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I have anxiety as well. Therapy has helped me a ton, but situations like this, I can’t quite shut my brain off to all the thoughts. Thank you for sharing your experience with generalized anxiety too. It’s important to me to let others know they’re not alone.
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That was one freak accident and glad that everyone is safe. I understand your anxiety and it is understandable. I overthink as well but I guess that just makes me better prepared for whatever actually happens.
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Thank you so much! I’m so glad we’re all safe. That’s how I feel too. I’m prepared for every situation.
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Anxiety can be so crippling at times.
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It really can be!
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I can definitely relate. Anxiety is real. It’s sad that not a lot of people talk about it. I’m glad you are okay now.
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Thank you! Anxiety is so hard and I think it should be talked about. I thought I was the only one with it before!
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I’m learning to be less anxious with my daughter and relax. It helps me to journal and meditate.
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Yes! I love to journal, it helps a lot. I need to start meditating because I think it’d be a huge help.
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I suffer from anxiety and the sad thing is that instead of support from my extended family they just don’t get it. I don’t feel like I can even be very close to them because they aren’t compassionate about it at all.
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That’s so rough, I’m sorry. I can understand that to a point. It’s hard to explain anxiety to people who just don’t understand it.
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first of all, so glad you are ok.. And I get what you are saying.. with my older one getting ready to head off to college in the fall, I know both me and hubby are in for new anxieties..
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Thank you so much. As the grow up, I feel like new fears present themselves. It’s sort of crazy!
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I’m glad you’re ok! I think that unless you live with anxiety, you just don’t truly understand what it’s like and how crippling it can be.
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I completely agree with that! I’m happy we’re all okay and I’m glad I was able to calm myself after!
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Anxiety can definitely make things more difficult. I can see how things could really spiral into a tougher situation.
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Yes! It spirals so quick.
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Glad all is well now, anxiety is something else!
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It definitely is! The door is officially fixed!
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I have OCD so I definitely get the circling thoughts. Something like this wouldn’t trigger it, but if my kids touched something in the trash…the omg they are going to die of salmonella, what if they touched a dirty band-aid with blood… kind of thoughts come! (Don’t worry I take meds haha) Long story short…it totally make sense that something that can cause danger would trigger anxiety. ❤
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I completely get those thoughts too! Everything can just spiral. It’s interesting to me how it can present itself different depending on the person.
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I struggle with anxiety and the worry that goes along with it. I see a therapist and she has helped me a lot with this!!
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My therapist helps a lot too. I think the in the moment situations can put anxiety in overdrive though!
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